Below are the 4 most recent journal entries recorded in Exisity's LiveJournal:

Tuesday, September 17th, 2002
7:01 pm	Try listenig, mybe you'll understand Has anyone actually listend to the words people say? Realized how much pain they are in? I know I didn't. At least... not for a long time. I do now though. Even to the lyrics of music. Each word spoken/sang has a true meaning, even though they all always seem to be hidden. Such as this lyric by P.O.D " But who knew that this day wasn’t like the rest Instead of taking a test I took two to the chest Call me blind, but I didn’t see it coming Everybody was running But I couldn’t hear nothing Except gun blasts, it happened so fast I don’t really know this kid Even though I sit by him in class. Maybe this kid was reaching out for love. Or maybe for a moment He forgot who he was Or maybe this kid just wanted to be hugged" See the Culumbine shootings blew peoples worlds up. But did people ever think about the kids who did it? lets back track to a special part of those lyrics... "Maybe this kid was reaching out for love Or maybe for a moment He forgot who he was Or maybe this kid just wanted to be hugged" So many people, seem stuck in their own little world, trying to fit in, and being perfect. or hell, having an awesome life. What about the kids who noone knew? Noone ever cared about? Everyday I cry when I get home, because I'm one of those kids. I go to school, sit alone not being talked too. No body to talk too. Noone cares. Only thing differnt about me and the kids who shot up Columbine is... I have a voice inside of my head saying it cares. Basically whatI mean by that is that I have myself. They wanted people... Hey I want 'em too. but yeah. This isnt really my point. This isnt talk about me or my problems. This is talk about the worlds ignorance. People go on by, forgetting that they are hurting others. And once someone else teases them they get all mad. But why? I mean, they turn around and do it their selves.Now answer me these. In your head of course. Havent you ever felt alone? Differnt from the world? Like you just don't belong? Has someone ever told you you wont make it, and can't excel? Hasn't someone made you feel so worthless, that you just wanted to die from the hurt that they caused? Now... if yes to any or all of those ... Answer me these. Did you ever make fun of someone? At any point of your life? Even if it was just a joke? If so, did you ever think about the pain you just caused them? Can't you relate the pain you went through to the one you just caused? I mean. Realize this. You were a joke to the world at least once. or felt like it. Saying that its wrong for them to make fun of you, or even joke about it. But then you do it. Do you ever feel bad? I know I would. So I made it a point to talkto people at my school who are being made fun of. In case you havent noticed, I just poured out a life time of pain here and all in such a short paragraph. I am one of those kids who are always hurting. Being made fun of... I've done my share of hurting. And jokes. But I did make sure I apoligized. Because a lot of kids hurt from kids who... we catorgize as a prep. Now to go about a journal I read. Girls saying "Like" a lot, or"Oh my God" or just not knowing a few things. Like what sex is. People called her a prep, a dumb ass, a stupid pathetic moron. Ever think those words hurt her? Or maybe thats just who she is. So she talks how she wants. Maybe its her personality. So we make fun of her because she seems like she has no sense. She want making fun of anyone. Or hurting anyone. Sure sometimes she said she wanted to be goth... but she wanted to fit in. We ALL want to fit in. Have people like us for us. But because of people who make fun of "posers" and "Preps" its to hard to fit in. We all must be something like everyone else. So we all sit in our own little world. Now I'm not saying all "preps" are actually innocents of pain. Maybe some really DO fit in with their crowds. And they make fun of people. But let us remember ... the "goths" and "freaks" and "bnerds" that they made fun of, have made fun of the "preos" as well. So its just a cycle. A never ending one at that. But wouldn't it be nice if we could all just accept eachother? Not discriminate against each other? I sure think so. Don't you? Current Mood: lonely Current Music: Youth of the Nation - P.O.D (2 drops | make me bleed)
Monday, September 9th, 2002
9:18 pm	Fake. Oh so FAKE Oh joy. So now I am fake. A fake fucking whore.Thanks o Dan, te whole MH now think all my pictures are other people. I don't care. They can think what they want. But its fucked tat he would psh s far, just to get bck at me. What an immature freak. I hate this. Everyone just HAS to dislike me now because of him. Thats the reaso half the MH does. They al hang on his fucking balls and belive all he says... And now Phills asking for ALL my pics? Old and new. Thank you jerk!!! Current Mood: pissed off Current Music: N/A (1 drop | make me bleed)
Sunday, September 8th, 2002
1:12 pm	Quiz-A-Dizz Take the test, by Emily. Enough said. What's your sexual perversion? Created by ptocheia Would you survive a horror movie? Find out @ She's Crafty What's Your Style? Find out @ She's Crafty Which My So-Called Life Character Are You? Find out @ She's Crafty Which Empire Records Character Are You? Find out @ She's Crafty Which Hacker's Character Are You? Find out @ She's Crafty Who's Your Movie Sidekick? Find out @ She's Crafty Who's Your Inner Buffy Bad-Girl? Find out @ She's Crafty What Type of Villain are You? mutedfaith.com / <º> You are the Dragon. In medieval Europe, dragons were considered mostly evil and a generally bad omin. Christianity linked the dragon with Satan because of the dragon's snake-like apperance. However, to the Orient cultures the dragon was a symbol of widom and roalty. It was a benign animal and the fifth creature of the Chinese zodiac. It resided over the east and the sunsrise. It was also said to bring rain and the springtime. The dragon is interesting because it combines all four elements: air, earth, fire, and water. It could fly, had the horns of a ox, breathed fire, and resided over the moon. What mythical beast best represents you?Take the quiz! What Ragnarok Online Enemy are You? </td> You are Heavy Metal! Angry, sad, and disillusioned, you are Heavy Metal. You are the embodiment of the darkness of the human heart. Your main themes are sadness, anger, and hopelessness. You are frequently misunderstood by others and many link you to devil worship. However, those willing to look through the shell of darkness and anger find you to be very intelligant, poetic, and artistic. Too bad your inclination to look for the beauty in darkness and your general attitude of frustration with humanity as a whole tends to send most people running for the nearest exit. But despite that, you wouldn't have it any other way. Take the what music genre are you quiz by PsychosisX! </td> You're a closet case! This test has told you something you already knew. You're in the closet. It's a pretty sad and lonely place to be, but trust me: Things will get better. Just hang in there! One day you'll find the strength to come out. Good luck to you! Take the what kind of fag are you quiz by PsychosisX! I am 70% evil. Take the test :: koolplace.com I'm Mike, who are you? Take the test :: koolplace.com -------------------------------------------------- moretocome Current Mood: hyper Current Music: weeeeeeeeee (make me bleed)
Friday, September 6th, 2002
9:13 pm	Razors.Bleed.Insanity. I'm falling apart bleeding, and so scared. The razors have become my friends..... The only friends...... that understand me. Am I insane? Crazy? I don't know anymore .. I'm not sure anymore .. He told me I am worthless.... Nothing more than a broken soul ... and I feel it. I feel what he means. I am broken, worthless, and the image in the mirror is my next victem. These razors seems so sharp. "Slide them. Push them. I know you have the strength" He keeps repeating it... but I can't. I just can't! Not again, not ever! But it's to late. I'm cought up in the sensation. I can feel it. It sets me free. My blood is flowing, spilling.... I can't make this pain disapear. I can't make this hate disapear. Its who I am, what I am..... And If I keep on repeating that life is okay ...... maybe it will be. "Breathe in death. Take her hand, she'll lead you to me" I wish I could disapear, be invisible for eternity. ...... And he always said he'd protect me ...... and all hes trying to do is minipulate me....... fuck him. If only..... he'd set me free. Current Mood: pessimistic Current Music: Coma White - Marilyn Manson (make me bleed)